“It’d look like we skinned Grover and put it out as a Lord-of-the-Flies-style warning to all the other puppets.”

While I was slaving away at work, the boys went to IKEA without me. Thanks, boys. Considerate.

So Dyck texts me about the color of couch cover we discussed earlier (I said black and he suggested rainbow and then called me an “idiot” when I said “We are not having a rainbow or zebra-striped couch” because apparently I was supposed to know that he was joking – which is something I generally never assume because Doyle has already shown me his zebra-striped couch cover), and I suggested that they send me a picture if they liked something and maybe we could agree on it together, even though I wasn’t there.

The boys have a funny way of interpreting things.

Doyle’s hand in something? I don’t even know.

Dyck: We really liked this.

Kelsey: What… what is this?

Dyck: Doyle’s hand in a trashcan.

Kelsey: …

I suggested pictures to be more productive. You know, like a real adult.

Then the pictures kept coming.

This is a horror movie. This is what a horror movie looks like, guys. That rug is the type of rug that would never, ever die. Ever. 

Dyck: We liked this.

Kelsey: Is… is that a blue rug?

Dyck: It’s going in your bedroom.

I don’t even know.

Dyck: We bought all of them.

Kelsey: What are they?

No response.

This is why they shouldn’t be allowed to go shopping without me anymore.

Dyck: We’re going to combine these.

Kelsey: Are those curtains?

He stopped responding, so I tried Doyle.

Kelsey: Chris, Chris is being mean to me. Make him stop.

Doyle: But… I liked the blue one.

Kelsey: If we put that in our living room it’d look like we skinned Grover and put it out as a Lord-of-the-Flies-style warning to all the other puppets out there.

Doyle: And?

Right. So.

Later that night I went to Doyle’s place. As I snapped a quick shot of my two charming roommates, they demonstrated just how much they care for me.

Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.

And also, because the boys think they’re cool (no, seriously),


This is why I tell people that I don’t know if I’m nervous or excited to move in with these people. This. This right here.

I’m just going to go cry in the corner of the bathtub now. No biggie.


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