“We’ve only been here for five minutes and we’re already talking about gay porn and kidnapping children.”

Quotes from when Doyle and I were taking the written interview for the townhouse:

“No, we can get a fox. If it’s brown, we’ll call it Vulpix, but if it’s more of a white, we’ll call it Ninetales… it’s allowed, they’re domesticated now. But yeah, Chris’ll probably be allergic.”

“Let’s just take the baby and run, we don’t have to live here.”

“Let’s have a cat and name it Mitsy. No, nevermind, let’s not name it Mitsy.”

“We can name the fox ‘Firefox’ and then it will lick the windows and be adorable and then Firefox will be beta-testing Windows.”

“It doesn’t have to be gay porn, it could go either way… ha. But yeah, ‘I’m ordering sausages from Christopher Dyck” would totally work.”

“Let’s start a poll to see how many people thought we were a couple.”

“Let’s start a poll to see how many people thought you were gay. Actually, let’s start a poll to see how many people thought you were gay at first and then thought we were a couple.”

“We should have brought a child. We would look more wholesome if we brought a child.

(After Doyle b-sed being a nice, spiritual person in front of some missionaries.) “I’m surprised we didn’t start smelling brimstone.”

“This is a written interview? English majors.

“Can we draw a penguin? We probably shouldn’t draw a penguin.”

“No, we can’t have a fox. No. We can’t. I draw the line….no, not even if we get a dog and tape fox ears to it.”

“We could have just brought Katie. Did her hair, put on a dress.”

“Or we could have brought Chris. Did his hair, put on a dress.”

“…yes. Yes, we could have.”

Everything went pretty well, all things considered. Most of our hushed threats and banter really just came off as the two of us laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

And then Chris couldn’t open the door on the way out.

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